We will give you a few free retirement speeches that you can customize to your own needs and ideas. Nothing wrong with using free speeches, as nobody will be listening anyway, unless you mention their names.

If you are as lucky as me to have a devoted secretary, you can ask her to write your retirement speech. Technically it won’t be free as the company is paying for it.

Anyway,
I asked my sexy secretary to write my speech and in return I wrote her appraisal letter way in advance.

I read my retirement speech out for the first time during my retirement party. Nothing could go wrong basically as I was one step out of the firm already

2 free written retirement speeches

Advertising your website of ‘after retirement business’

Advertising your own new retirement website is a great way to find out 2 things:

• who is actually listening to your retirement speech and
   
• who is actually interested in you by visiting your website later.

Here goes:

I found this free retirement speech at my new website called "Retirement Jokes".

 

It is hard to believe this day has finally come. I have to say that I have mixed feelings today. It is wonderful to look forward to a future of more leisure and getting around to many of the things that I always said I would do “someday”, but I also feel some sadness at leaving what has been such an important part of my life.

 

This company is like a family and though I know I will see many of you around town, this day is kind of like moving away from home. It has great promise and yet, knowing that I won’t see the members of my family every day anymore is hard to imagine.

 

I won’t see XXX every day as I walk into the building, there at the front desk. I won’t see YYY at the desk in front of my office door. I won’t see all the rest of you in the hallways and the lunchroom and we won’t be having those daily chats about the ZZZ and the AAA and when the winter is going to be over. I will miss all of you and all of the conversations, not just the ones I have mentioned.

 

But it is time to move on. I have enjoyed my time here at ABC International and I know we have done some great things.

 

I thank BBB for making this a great place to work and for all the support you have given me over the years. This is a great company and I know you will continue on continuing with the growth and innovation that has been the hallmark of this organization. I hope all of you feel as fortunate to work here as I have.

 

On a personal note I’d like to thank CCC for her tireless work on my behalf. And, my wife, DDD thanks you too because she knows that without you I would have been home later every night and she and the kids would never have seen me. Thanks for helping me and also for so often pushing me out the door when I thought there was just one more thing that needed to get done.

 

And thank you to DDD for your tireless support of me over these years. I love you, honey, and I look forward to all the plans we have made.

 

Thank you all for being here today and having this wonderful party for me. I feel richly blessed. Be well and I’ll see you around.

Always make sure to thank the tea-lady!

Well thank you, XXX, for these kind words. It was indeed XXX years ago that I set my first steps a bit trembling inside this head office. Had I known then what a roller coaster ride we were in for I might have trembled even more or turned right back to head out.

 

But ignorance was bliss in those days! I thought, innocently, that accepting XXX bribes was a natural thing to do. Good enough for a Cabinet minister’s spouse; good enough for me, I thought. But seriously, I was so blessed to be given the chance to help make this business into a household name.

 

I only want to say a few words myself – I’ve done enough speaking for a lifetime!

 

But I do want to tell you how much I have appreciated some of the people and things that make this company so special – not just the business side, but the fun and laughter we have had – to say nothing of the long nights labouring away at last minute documents and deals.

 

As for XXX teatime treats – I think that’s what I am going to miss most!

 

XXX was right. I am leaving but I will be watching your progress with interest and I shall indeed be back.

 

I am certain you will all go on to achieve far better things than I did. If my legacy to you was time spent building this firm up, your legacy to me is one of comradeship, faith in teamwork and an abiding passion for XXX (things to eat or to drink).

 

I have just one final point to make – that is to thank you for the wonderful present. How could you have guessed that it was just what I wanted!!??

 

I now raise my glass to you and say farewell.

 

Thank you.

How to write a retirement roast speech

Of course humor is in the eye of the beholder. Make sure you don’t touch religion nor politics, other than that, try to make fun about:

• the first funny blooper, mistake or what have you about yourself! It’s always funny to joke about yourself, so you don’t step on anybodies toes.
   
• differences between when you started versus now
   
• important events and accomplishments everybody in the firm knows about
   
• the fact that you will keep in touch with everybody, therefore need some volunteers to do the job…

Don’t forget: the above free retirement speeches all come with a money back guarantee!